The Apple's Pro Care website says lots of exciting, enticing things about Pro Care, trying to convince you to sign up. I'm going to try to convince you not to sign up, and keep that $100 in your wallet.

1. Personal Training
They will arrange one-on-one training with you for the Apple application of your choice (Garage Band, etc.), although when you try to sign up you'll see warnings that not all retail locations offer the same training. You might want training for a certain app that your local store doesn't offer. Oh well. Also, you might be interested to know that most Apple retail stores offer regular training sessions all the time. For example, anyone can walk into the Barton Creek store and attend any of the free training classes. No Pro Care required. See the full list here.

2. Yearly Tune-up
They will run "system diagnositics", "update your Apple software", and "clean your keyboard". Um, software update is built into OS X and it's free. Keyboard cleaning? How much is that worth to you? Surely a lot less than $100. That leaves "system diagnostics", and I have no idea what this means. My wife and I have owned several Macs over the past 4 years, and I have never needed any "system diagnositics", nor have I heard of any problems that required "system diagnositics". Honestly, this sounds like like a small can of snake oil.

3. Fast Track
Oh, don't even get me started on this one... Their website says, "ProCare is your ticket to priority repairs and available same-day service at the Genius Bar. Members get ¿Next in line, first on the bench¿ service on all in-store repairs." They don't mention the various conditions to which that applies, or explain the very likely reality that you will show up with your Pro Care membership and stand there for an hour or two with everyone else (of course, the non-Pro Care people will be there for 3 or 4 hours, so I guess you win, don't you!). Here's my rant about "Fast Track".

4. Complete Setup
This one is just plain silly. If you own a Mac and want to transfer your files to a new Mac, there is a built-in migration process that is so simple it'll blow your mind. I've used it several times, and it's amazing. It requires 1 old Mac, 1 new Mac, 1 FireWire cable, and something else for you to do while everything copies to your new computer. And I mean everything - files, folders, applications, settings... everything. So what is "complete setup"? I guess it means you can lug both of your computers into the store, and the guy in the Apple Store will plug in the FireWire cable for you, and click a few buttons. Later, you can lug both of your computers home again. Seriously, this process is so simple, I would be completely comfortable with an 8-year-old doing it (and no, I would not pay the 8-year-old $100).

5. Advance Reservations
This may be the only item that actually has value, but I'm hesitant to say it's worth $100. Did you know that there are authorized Apple repair centers all over the place? And you can trust them, because they're authorized by Apple. So you walk into any authorized repair center and you'll quite likely get immediate attention from someone (remember, you're not standing in line at the Apple Store with people who can't figure out their iPod), hand them your computer, explain what's up, and they'll probably offer some suggestions on the spot, or send it off for repair (to the same place that the Apple Store would send it). As long as your computer is under warranty, it won't cost you a penny.

To find an authorized repair center, go to Apple's service finder page and enter your zip code. For example, there are six authorized repair centers in my zip code (one of those is the Apple Store). And I can pretty much guarantee that you'll get quicker service. It certainly can't be slower than an Apple Store.

6. Works Worldwide
I guess this is appealing because you can enjoy the benefits of the previous five features from anywhere in the world? Oh boy.

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Well, I'm done ranting. And you might still think Pro Care is a good deal, or a useful purchase. And if you do, I am totally fine with it. But I think people should be properly informed about what they're spending their money on, not just buying the marketing hype. Apple is generally pretty good about matching their marketing with reality - I've owned many Apple products over the years, and speak from experience. But this Pro Care thing is a joke, and I feel obligated to say something about it.