|
Here's an excellent parody Microsoft Surface table-top computer. |
|
|
|
Happy game playing! → Frogger |
More about Cthulhu here and here. Here is a photo of Cthulhu sitting on some rocks. |
|
It's just as bad as they say on the news! Only worse! Your house will freeze! Your pets won't make it! Property value will go down! Taxes will go up! You might even lose your job! |
|
The title says it all - Spiders on Drugs |
|
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read... The Horror of Blimps |
|
Found this on John Pointer's blog last night, it's great. |
Do you want the Gran Turismo 4 Game Completion Checklist? |
|
I just dug up a saved copy of a fun game from a few years ago, Reflections. The original website that hosted the game (some German site) is no longer alive, so I'm posting my copy of it here. And such a simple url! And, I plan to keep my website alive for a long time, so feel free to link to the site. |
I was pulling up a few "great" music videos from the 80's (like Love Plus One by Haircut 100). So of course, what 80's music video viewing session would be complete without Michael Jackson's Thriller? A quick YouTube search turned up... this: Michael Jackson's Thriller: Indian Style. It's ... um... really bad. After you've washed your eyes out with bleach, check out the real Thriller here: Michael Jackson's Thriller |
I haven't actually seen it in action yet - the feed starts 10 minutes before the match, and a friend sent this to me after the first matches of the day. But for those who cannot be in front of a television, this may end up being a better experience than the ridiculous, bloated sports websites that are slammed by visitors during game time. All you need to do is open a terminal window to "telnet ascii-wm.net 2006", or go to http://ascii-wm.net for more info. |
A guy in Canada decided to eat nothing but monkey chow for a week. His journal entries are pretty funny, and he's got great daily videos, too. |
|
What do you do when you need a hooker, and you need one now?! That's right! Just say, Where's my ho? |
|
I was just reading Kung Fu Monkey and found Lunch Discussions #213: Canaries and Meth. One of the funniest things I've read in a while. |
|
|
This is hilarious. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. |
|
Just found an amusing website. Somebody registered the name "do" in the top-level domain "gs", thus making the full name do.gs. It's an odd website written by a guy in Germany. A tiny excerpt from do.gs: Umm.... "no"? |
|
Here's something useless I learned today. Chipped beef on toast (or creamed chipped beef on toast) is a foodstuff comprised of a creamy sauce and rehydrated slivers of dried beef, served on toasted bread. In military slang it is commonly referred to with the dysphemism "Shit On a Shingle". Creamy sauce with rehydrated slivers of dried beef? Yuck. |
Thanks to a reader for pointing me to the open source version (on the left), which can be found here. Good stuff. |
What do you get if you strap a rocket engine onto a bike? That's right! Rocket Bike! |
|
In the past week, I've gotten links from two friends about sites with kittens or other cute animals. The first one is Kitten War!, and the other is Cute Overload (look on the left side of the window for categories such as "kittens"). A tiny kitten shot of Salsa has been added to Kitten War. |
|
I just took the Nerd Quiz. I scored 90 ("Supreme Nerd. Apply for a professorship at MIT now!"). My friends Lowell and Brandon are nerdier than me, they scored 93 and 92 respectively. |
|
This is something I would have liked to do if 1) I had the time, and 2) had enough knowledge/experience to get it done quickly in order to minimize the importance of #1. Alas, I have neither, and these guys beat me to it: they put a mobile phone inside a rotary telephone to make a portable rotary phone. So nice. |
|
When telemarketers call you, use the Anti-telemarketing counterscript to turn the tables. |
|
Bush Presidential Library Destroyed By Flood A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both books were kept. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, "The president The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer. |
Wow. This guy must really love working with Christmas lights. (And having no friends?) He posted full instructions here. Info from Snopes: This display was the work of Carson Williams, a Mason, Ohio, electrical engineer who spent about three hours sequencing the 88 Light-O-Rama channels that controlled the 16,000 Christmas lights in his annual holiday lighting spectacular (from Christmas 2004). His 2005 display includes over 25,000 lights that he spent nearly two months hooking up. So that the Williams' neighbors aren't disturbed by constant noise, viewers driving by the house are informed by signs to tune in to a signal broadcast over a low-power FM radio station to hear the musical accompaniment. |
|
The Weekly Radio Address has an RSS feed for their podcasts. Funny stuff. |
|
My friend Thomaz posted this, reminding me of some of the not-so-smart things I did as a kid. We used to sneak up behind cars at traffic lights while crouched on a skateboard. Then wait for the green light... and hold on tight! Darwin really was kind to some of us. |
|
I'd like to see one of these for the "nucular". |
Watch two Chinese students do their best impression of the Backstreet Boys. So nice. |
|
Play ping pong on your computer. |
|
|
|
|
What makes 100%? What does it mean to give more than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? |
|
Test your knowledge of Turkey now that talks have officially begun for Turkey's entry into the European Union. Take the test |
|
It's On Star for Blondes. Priceless. |
Not much to say about this. It's a gigantic In 'n Out cheeseburger. More pics here. |
|
Featured on this week's Onion, FEMA Disaster Survival Tips. Awesome. Recent events have underscored the importance of being properly prepared to deal with the effects of natural disasters. With that in mind, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has prepared the following guidelines. |
I don't what kind of messed up experiences this dog must have had to get like this, but what's done is done, and we may as well enjoy it. |
|
Somebody posted this on a forum I frequent, written in the style of a Nigerian 411 scam, claiming to be from George Bush. I found it pretty amusing. URGENT ASSISTANCE - FROM USA |
I don't know where this came from or who made it, but it's damn funny (and no, I don't think it's real; here's why). |
Why are all breakfast cereals made of corn, rice and oats? Isn't that what they feed horses, cows and deer? Did you eat a sack of grain for lunch today? No way! How about a bag of corn for dinner? Of course not! Don't follow the herd anymore! After all, you are not livestock. Isn't it about time you started eating real food for breakfast? To lead the way, I've made the World's First All-Meat Breakfast Cereal: Shredded Beefy Oh's! Now available at your favorite grocery stores. If you don't see it on the shelves, just ask the clerks when they expect it to arrive in stock. Breakfast will never be the same again! |
|
While I did not invent it (a friend's child did while mispronouncing "pink flamingo"), I proudly take credit for submitting it to the Urban Dictionary to preserve and spread its usage throughout the world. And when I say "it", I mean "flanking the mango". |
|
This guy bought a copy of the latest Star Wars movie from a street vendor somewhere in China, and posted the hilarious subtitles. episode iii, the backstroke of the west includes screenshots of several excellent mistranslations, including my favorite, "I should really feeds you all dog". |
|
An awesome definition of automatic transmission from the urban dictionary: You can spot cars with automatic transmissions as you drive on any road. The drivers step on the brakes for random cosmic events. If they see a fuzz, they step on the brakes. If they see a car pull up to a side street, they step on the brakes. If they come to an intersection, they step on the brakes. If they see a crow, they step on the brakes. |
|
i haven't heard this in a while... it's a funny phone call to 911 where Joe needs a bambulance to pick him up at the Stop 'n Go. |
|
|
|
Doh! According to "Tabloid fires 'Yahoo baby' reporter", the story about a couple naming their baby "Yahoo" was totally fabricated by the reporter. "Romanian tabloid Libertatea has fired the reporter who fabricated a story claiming that a couple had named their baby Yahoo, Reuters reports. Ion Garnod walked the plank after admitting he made the whole thing up "to look good". A birth certificate accompanying the story turned out to be that of Garnod's own son." |
|
Just found The Wal-Mart Prank. It's about a guy who got a part-time job at Wal-Mart while he was in college, got screwed by a bunch of his employees and was consequently fired, then planned and executed an awesome revenge. |
|
A Romanian couple, Cornelia and Nonu Dragoman, named their baby boy Lucian Yahoo because they met on the internet. "We named him Lucian Yahoo after my father and the net, the main beacon of my life," said Cornelia. "Also, we are totally crazy." I made up the last quote, but it fits, so it may as well be true. |
|
Hot damn, this game sounds pretty fscking horrible... Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. |
|
Here's something you don't see every day... Sydney Body Art Ride |
omg, this is so flipping cool. It all started one day with this guy built the original Etherkiller to warn new users that the IT department is not to be messed with. This led to some general discussion about a class of devices, now called the "killers", which should be made. "The Etherkiller and Friends". |
|
A Singular Christmas is what you get when a gang of computers analyze traditional Christmas music and produce their own Christmas music for the world to, um, enjoy. |
Ok, ok, this is good... Q: Why did the chicken have a bicycle thrown over his shoulder? |
|
|
|
A couple were going out for the evening. They get ready, all dressed up, and put the dog in the backyard. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog in the house for the night, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty for the evening, explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid b!tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! And she better not shit in the vegetable garden again!" |
|
This is one of the best email responses ever from Strong Bad... |
Just came across this awesome picture. Even after seeing it many times, it still makes me laugh. |
She's a smoker. She's pregnant. She thinks nearby jackhammer noises are harmful to her baby, but not cigarettes. She's still smoking. Anyone out there tried to get in touch with Mrs. Williamson? Perhaps to mention something about how smoking during pregnancy can screw up the baby? Update Dec. 16, 2005: follow-up post here. |
|
Here is a site chock full of flash animations. I have no idea what any of it is about. The Lair of the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom |
|
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. |
|
On Saturday morning, a roadie gets up early, as he has for so many Saturday morning rides, and softly slips out of the bedroom. He dresses quietly in the next room, grabs his helmet and water bottles, and goes out to pump the tires. As the garage door opens, he's confronted by an icy, windswept rain. He's ridden before in these conditions. He doesn't like it, but when it's Saturday morning he never misses. He ponders the dismal conditions and then retreats to the kitchen to tune a small TV to the Weather Channel. The forecast only sounds worse. This is one Saturday when he just can't summon the determination. With a sigh, he slips off his shoes, quietly returns to the bedroom, undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my husband went riding in that crap?" |
Postin' this shiznat fo' all my peeps who iz keepin' it real, yo. Time tah' git back to writin' mah letterz n shit... |
I guess she thought the world wouldn't notice if she flashed the universal sign to go f*$k yourself. After all, it was only during an Olympic event (Women's Road Race, Cycling) that she flung the bird to the world. She's gotta be relieved to know that nobody was there to take a photo! Wait a second... they did. Details from Cycling News: After doing most of the work in the winning break with Sara Carrigan, only to finish with silver, Germany's Judith Arndt came across the line and flicked the bird "to the world". Later, when confronted by officials, she claimed that she did not, that it only looked that way and she was being misunderstood. But it is well known that she is extremely angry with the German Cycling Federation for not choosing her good friend and teammate Petra Rossner for the team. "I caught up to Sara and did a lot of work," said Arndt. "It would have been different if Petra (Rossner) had been here. She is the fastest sprinter in the world." |
|
My buddy IG sent me a link to this dude's site, maddox.xmission.com. I was laughing my ass off reading some of this stuff, including five shitty movies that everyone loves and you're not Dave Chappelle, and you're not funny. |
|
My wife sent this to me. I don't know where she found it, but it's rad. And where else would a person expect to find "Rock Paper Saddam" but at www.rockpapersaddam.com. |
|
Yay! Thanks to the Centers for Disease Control, kids can now print out and collect Disease Trading Cards (set 2 available here). With these cards, children can learn all about E. Coli, Pertusis, Anthrax, Meningitis, ... |
|
Somebody forwarded this to me by email today. "Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe." |
|
My summary: the President was on the tail end of a 17 mile mountain bike ride when he crashed his bike and landed on his face. He had a throng of people riding with him, including a personal doctor who touched him up on the spot. The White House spokesman, Trent Duffy, thinks Bush is a risk-taking mountain biker, "You know this president. He likes to go all out". I wonder, has anyone invited the President to a TMBRA race? On second thought, that might be a bad idea, because the pack would be filled with his bodyguards and secret agent henchmen. I guess that would make a very uninteresting race. Article below, originally from this story, "Bush biffs while mountain biking": President Bush suffered cuts and bruises early Saturday afternoon when he fell while mountain biking on his ranch near Crawford, Texas, according to White House spokesman Trent Duffy. |
|
This is awesome - Cicadaville.com - Premier Cicada information source FACT: Cicadas are vicious killers. |
I have achieved negative unread emails with Microsoft Outlook. This is really cool. It means I can receive several email messages before my unread count reaches a positive number, which will help me stay on top of all the email I receive at work. Thank you, Microsoft. |
|
John Phillips wrote Across New Zealand in a Can Opener in September 2000. A damn funny piece of work. |
|
Today's News of the Weird brought to you by Katsuya Matsumura. This person has created one of the strangest computer cases ever. |
|
Introducing... Maximum Grothe 2000 Cyclists are always looking to get the edge, but with drug testing rules as they are now, it's becoming increasingly difficult to do so without resorting to banned performance enhancing drugs. That's why Cyclingnews has developed Maximum Grothe 2000, a product that combines the best aspects of the immensely popular Git Huge 2000 and Go Fast 2000, but is guaranteed to make you fail a drug test. That's right, if you have to go to a doping control after taking Maximum Grothe 2000, there is a 100 percent chance that you will test positive for a banned substance. The patented formula has drugs in it with a half life of approximately 4,000 years, so there is no risk at all that you can test negative. In fact, it's so potent that a negative result can be used as proof that modern drug testing isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Maximum Grothe 2000 also covers those annoying blood tests. Concerned that your hematocrit is too low? Maximum Grothe 2000 guarantees to boost it by at least 15 percent, within hours of ingestion. That two week break you've been hanging out for is just around the corner. So, what actually goes into Maximum Grothe 2000 to provide these guaranteed results? That has to remain a secret of course, but we can reveal that our R&D staff had extensive talks with the (temporarily) retired pro Jesus Manzano, who despite taking nearly every substance on the banned list, never tested positive. Manzano was able to advise us on the drugs that he never dared to take, but will certainly lead to some interesting spikes on the GCMS readout. We also make no claims about the performance enhancing capabilities of Maximum Grothe 2000. On the one hand, it may make you rider faster for longer, but on the hand, testing carried out on cancerous rats caused most of them to develop an elevated heart rate, incontinence, hypotension, hypertension, hot and cold sweats, depression, paranoia, violent behaviour, headaches, excessive urination or thirst, diarrhea, vomiting, drowsiness, dizziness, muscle weakness, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, nausea, loss of appetite, delirium, hallucinations, agitation, seizures, hepatitis, gallbladder disease and death. Use Maximum Grothe 2000 at your own risk, without doctor's supervision. |
|
Google Copernicus Center is hiring! Google is interviewing candidates for engineering positions at our lunar hosting and research center, opening late in the spring of 2007. This unique opportunity is available only to highly-qualified individuals who are willing to relocate for an extended period of time, are in top physical condition and are capable of surviving with limited access to such modern conveniences as soy low-fat lattes, The Sopranos and a steady supply of oxygen. |
|
Silly nerds... these guys took a few memory cards containing 4 gigabytes worth of data, strapped them to homing pigeons who flew 100km away, and then compared the data transfer rate to that of ADSL (the pigeons were faster). Full pigeon write-up here. "On Friday, March 12, 2004, a group of several dozen Internet addicts from Israel and abroad, gathered in the large grass yard of the OHALO Center near the Sea of Galilee. The purpose of the gathering was to witness a live test sending 3 homing pigeons to 100 km distance (see a map), each carrying tiny memory cards containing, in total, 4 GB of data." Perhaps the next step for these nerds should be to ship a crate full of hard drives via FedEx overnight delivery? Surely that would exceed the data transfer rate of a few pigeons. |
|
This post might be more at home in a category called "things crazy people do", but the closest category I've got is "fun". Check out the Niles Monorail and see for yourself (quick summary: a guy built a monorail in his back yard). |
|
Snopes is such a great site. Cokelore - Bite the Wax Tadpole |
|
Here's a good collection of pranks. Initially, I came across the one where he sends out clones of his Safeway shopping card to anyone who wants one, that way he aims to become the Ultimate Shopper. |
I found this posted on a bike website, pretty crazy. |
I wish this were fake. We got into a conversation at the office about strange names, and I went digging for an article about this story. I remember hearing about it a few years ago. "Kathy and Jason Curiel named their son Espn after the ESPN network that Jason often watches. Espn's room also reflects the family's love of sports. The room boasts a set of goalposts, a chalkboard to diagram game plays on and walls that are painted green with hash marks like a football field." |
|
From The Wolf Files: Unusual Names for children named in 2000. Source: Social Security Administraion.
|
|
I just found out that my buddy Lowell is doing a Birthday Challenge in a few weeks. Here's the list of things he needs to complete within 24 hours:
|
|
I saw this site a few months ago, and just came across it again. I probably didn't post it before because I didn't know what to say about it (still don't). Go to the boohbah zone now. |
|
Some good ones from Mitch Hedberg here, and plenty more through Google. Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck. I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D" I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen. I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here. I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips... I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying... You're supposed to yell 'fore' but I kept thinking there ain't no way that's gonna hit him. My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice." I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly... I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough" I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong... or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top. An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience." My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause." Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddammit Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddammit Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right. I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something. I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. |
I had forgotten about this guy, but he came up in conversation today so I went looking for his site and found this mirror. I also found links to monobrow.com, "celebrating the unity of your eyebrow". |
|
I just heard about this guy today. I watched some of the videos. I'm glad I don't watch television. I don't know what else to say. |
|
Penguin-wacking fun, Part 2, with yetisports2. |
|
Saw this on somebody's signature on a discussion board. Pretty funny...
|
|
NEW HAVEN, CT - Police announced Monday that the accidental death of 68-year-old Joseph Lang increased the death toll at 320 E. Oak St. to a staggering one. "We retrieved Mr. Lang's body from his bathtub, where it appears he slipped and hit his head," police officer Chris Ramsey said. "Although we don't expect to find any additional victims, we're continuing our 48-hour search of the two-story home, just in case." Lang is survived by his wife Helen, who still resides in the deathtrap. |